Building Confidence

Over four months without writing a blog post, yikes! Cue the self-imposed shame for not sticking to a regular writing schedule. But, after rereading a previous post of mine, The Year of Action, I’m reminded that it’s not about reaching a certain number of posts, but just making an effort to blog more this year than I have in recent years. Anyway, on to what brings me to write this post, building confidence, which is somewhat of a sequel or follow-up to my post, Regaining Confidence through Vulnerability.

Four months ago, I was losing sleep over coaching new, unknown clients in my new role as a personal trainer/coach. I was so nervous that I would do something wrong or look foolish demonstrating an exercise. Fast forward to today, well yesterday actually, when I tipped over backwards after pulling out the drawer of the file cabinet too fast and was laughing about it with the gym member who saw it all unfold. When I first started coaching, I was overly concerned about doing every aspect of the position perfectly and trying to come up with scripts and specific game plans for each day. I quickly learned a simple fact that I overlooked, everyone is different. Everyone has a different personality, a different exercise background, a different level of comfort in a gym setting. I could keep going. Coaching requires almost constant on-the-spot thinking. Someone may need an unexpected exercise modification or two people may need to use the same piece of equipment at the same time or your new phone’s location settings may block you from connecting to the timer (ugh!). No amount of pre-planning is going to help in most scenarios. That was a scary realization for me coming from an accounting background where almost everything can be done most efficiently with strict policies and procedures.

Instead of letting fear of the unknown overcome me, I decided to look at it as a new learning experience and a chance to change my perspective on surprises. As I described in my CliftonStrengths Results post, my top two Strengths are Restorative and Learner, so this was the perfect opportunity to put those traits to good use. Those with the Restorative Strength easily identify problems and quickly resolve them while those with the Learner Strength want to continuously learn and improve and just enjoy the process of learning itself. Four months ago, I would have been terrified if I gave a member a new exercise and it didn’t work for them for some reason, but now I look at it as a chance to use the knowledge I have to suggest an alternative or a regression that may work better for that session. It also gives me a chance to research later to better understand why the original exercise may not have been appropriate. Before, I would have thought I was failing as a trainer for giving someone an exercise that needed to be modified, but now I see it as growing as a trainer and developing a more personal relationship with each member.

With each unexpected situation that I face and then solve, I gain confidence in myself that I’ll be able to figure out a solution. As someone who’s always been very doubtful of myself and my abilities, especially recently, this confidence is a new feeling and it’s a great feeling! And with that exclamation mark I suppose I should end it here. I don’t want to let confidence turn into egotism. 🙂

Regaining Confidence through Vulnerability

It has been a few months since my last post. Instinctually, I feel guilty for not keeping up with the weekly or biweekly posts I initially intended when I started blogging again this past December. However, when I think about what I spent my time doing instead during this period, I feel a bit less troubled. I spent the month of March studying for the portion of the NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist exam that I did not pass (by four questions!) back in December. (More on that in my previous post, The 5 Stages of Disappointment.) It was challenging to get back into studying because for most of February I was listening to the negative voice in my head saying that I wasn’t capable of passing the exam and I should try to find a different career interest or just stick with accounting and find a way to feel like a Born-Again Accountant. But I realized that negative voice was also a scared voice. I was actually more scared of passing the exam than I was of not passing for a second time. If I passed the exam, I would have the opportunity to move onto training others. Training others would mean I’d be the center of attention; very opposite of my behind-the-scenes accounting background. Could I make such a drastic change, could I carry on a conversation with someone I’d never met before, would they like the exercises I chose for them, what if they think I’m boring, what if they know I’m new? Aaahhh!!! I would be vulnerable.

In my current accounting position, I am safe. I know what I am doing, it comes easy to me and for the most part I regularly get positive feedback on my assignments. But with safety also comes monotony and lack of satisfaction and excitement in both my daily tasks and longer-term projects. Every day is like Groundhog Day.

So, although I was borderline terrified of putting myself in a position of vulnerability, I made the decision to move forward, fight for that opportunity and pursue something that I was passionate about instead of something that was just safe. I read over my notes from the first time I attempted the test, reread all the applicable chapters of the text, researched terminology in the book I wasn’t familiar with, watched videos on tests or exercises not specifically demonstrated in the text, retook all of the practice quizzes and tests. Heck, I even watched a little of the NFL Combine to better familiarize myself with some of the lingo. All these extra efforts this time around paid off. I passed!

I made the announcement in texts to my family, my close friends and my trainer then printed off my e-mailed certificate in color (no grayscale for this!) and magnetized it to the fridge. A day or two later I thought, now what? Oh yeah, the crazy scary vulnerable step of putting myself out there to get clients. Let me just enjoy this feeling of accomplishment a little longer before I get to that part, I told myself. I was letting my fear of vulnerability get to me again and struggling to take that next step. Luckily, at my next training session, my trainer asked if I’d like to do an internship where I would use his gym to train volunteers at no charge to get some experience. Yes! I just needed a little push and a clearer path onto the next step of becoming a personal trainer. While waiting to find the first volunteer I also completed a few case studies where I designed exercise programs for mock clients with injuries and exercise preferences. These case studies and the feedback on possible improvements to the program gave me a sense of confidence and I wasn’t a complete imposter in the fitness field. Sure, I still have a lot to learn, but I have a solid base of knowledge and experience to get started.

I didn’t have to wait long before my former co-worker volunteered to be my first client. The nerves set in again, but I was able to push through them knowing that she would be a familiar face. Plus, if by some chance I was terrible at training her, at least she knew I was good at accounting and not awful at everything. I got about three hours of sleep the night before our first session, but it was a success! Later that night she told me that she had so much energy she wanted to train for the Boston Marathon, lol. One step at a time, but I was relieved she enjoyed the first session and was excited about exercising in general.

But, around this same time fear challenged me again. My trainer asked if I’d be willing to train another volunteer, this time someone he knew. I froze. Training someone I knew was nerve-wracking but at least I didn’t have to worry about the social anxiety aspect, which was my biggest insecurity. Could I train someone I’d never met before, would they like me, would I embarrass myself? All those initial fears crept back up again instantly, and I delayed confirming if I was willing to train another volunteer. But, with a few days to think it over and remember that I really wanted this, that I’d have to be vulnerable initially and that everyone starts somewhere, I agreed to train someone I didn’t know and faced my biggest fear. Being open to the idea of vulnerability at this point, I even admitted to my trainer that the reason I hesitated was out of fear. To my surprise, he was glad I shared this. I’m still not really sure why my fear admission was received in a positive way, but maybe with time I’ll see that being vulnerable isn’t as horrible as I expected.

Now that I’ve overcome many self-imposed mental obstacles, I feel more freedom to just enjoy fitness. I’ve found myself researching different niche areas of fitness I may want to focus on. It will take time and experimentation to determine what I want to specialize in, and it may even change and evolve. For now, I’m trying some Pilates routines and getting outside to run again now that the weather is milder and I’m finally over my fourth or fifth cold this past flu season, ugh. I like the concept of your body being your gym and also am interested in prehab and corrective exercises to reduce the chance of injuries. The reason I decided to pursue personal training was because of the success I had in treating and resolving my back pain. Lots to explore and lots to be excited about. 🙂

Kickstarting and Habit Stacking

As I explained in my last post, The Boredom Dilemma, I detest being bored. The reason for the gap of three weeks since that post and this one is that boredom has been getting the better of me and interfering with my blogging and exercise habits. However, this past week I tried something completely new in my routine, a FitOn workout challenge. FitOn is a free exercise app that allows you to choose different workouts or challenges based on the time and intensity of the workout. I saw a challenge named the 10-day Kickstarter, which claimed that if you were looking to reignite your fitness motivation, this was the challenge for you. I saw the words reignite and motivation and first thought, has this app been spying on me? But the part of me that wanted a fiery, blazing reset on my habits won out against the part of me that thinks the machines are out to get us all and rule mankind. (I have watched all the Terminator movies way too many times, I know. Nevertheless, I still refuse to talk to my phone or TV clicker.)

The ten workouts in the challenge are at just the right level for me. You definitely break a sweat, but they are not so long or intense that you want to quit midway through. It also incorporates a few days of active recovery with yoga and stretching. So basically, it has the Goldilocks seal of approval. Right now, I have six workouts down and four to go. What I like best about the challenge is working out with a different trainer each night and learning new exercises. It is amazing how small arm movements can make for such a hard workout. One exercise, called praying pulses, has you put your arms together as if you were praying with your arms raised so that the elbows are at about chin level and then lift them in that position until the elbows are at about nose level. After about ten seconds you can feel it in your shoulders even though you are hardly moving. There was one longer routine that was really difficult for me because it was all strength moves for 25 minutes with no breaks. I struggled to keep up with the trainer throughout the whole routine, but rather than steer clear of that trainer or routine, I want to use it as a measure of progress and try it every so often to see if I can keep up better with more practice.

Another smaller habit I picked up recently is what James Clear calls Habit Stacking. (To read more about habits and the book “Atomic Habits,” check out my other posts, here and here.) Habit Stacking means you add a habit on to an existing habit you already keep. I suppose my example is not really a habit, more of a human necessity, but I have been adding in some form of brief exercise every time I have to get up to use the bathroom. It may be 20 squats, or 30 seconds of those prayer pulses I mentioned earlier. Whatever it is, it adds up at the end of the day and gives me a me a much-needed burst of energy after sitting and staring at a computer screen for long periods.

I intend to keep up with the FitOn workouts as well as at least one weekly blog post. The FitOn app makes it easy to stick to a routine because I just have to click the app and walk into my living room/makeshift home gym. The weekly blog post will be a bit tougher, but building off the excitement of learning something new as I did in each workout, I plan to watch some of the Word Press videos on how to use the website and create a better blog. I am an accountant and have been educated and trained to work with numbers and spreadsheets. Being creative and learning how to design a website is new to me and is a little intimidating. However, just like that workout I struggled with, I know that with more practice and research I will become more familiar with the features of WordPress. Until then, my SpongeBob about page will have to do the trick. 🙂