Ariel in the Real World

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Look at my job

Isn’t it neat?

Wouldn’t you think my career is complete?

Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl

The girl who has everything?

Look at my houses

Treasures untold

How many rent checks can one account hold?

Looking around here you’d think

Sure, she’s got everything

I’ve got IRAs and pensions a-plenty

I’ve got stress free commuting galore

You want sick days?

I’ve got twenty!

But who cares?

No big deal

I want more

I wanna feel excited again

I wanna feel, wanna feel real happy

Walking around wearing that, what do you call it?

Oh, smile!

Sittin’ at a desk, you don’t get too far

Standing is required for jumping, dancing

Free from the feeling of, what’s that word again?

Exile!

Out where they walk, out where they run

Out where they stay all day in the sun

Wanderin’ free, wish I could be

Part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of job safety?

What would I pay to spend my days being active?

Bet’cha I’d feel, feel more at ease

Bet you I’d get so much more accomplished

Bright young woman, sick of dreamin’

Ready to stand

And ready to know what the country holds

Research my questions and get some answers

What are food sensitivies and how can I, what’s the word?

Learn!

When’s it my turn?

Wouldn’t I love, love to explore the passions I have?

Out from my desk

Wish I could be

Part of that world

 

 

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Quarter Life Crisis

I am aware that I have not posted in quite some time, but the reason is simple.  I feel as though I have lost every last speck of self confidence I have.  I am angry, confused and sad all at once almost all of the time.  Why am I sharing this publicly?  Why not?  Honesty is the best policy, right?  Well, honesty has taught me that I am expendable at my job even though I thought I was bringing unique skills.  Because of that, I am angry that I allowed myself to stay in a position that did not allow me to grow my skillset, I am confused about what career path to take next and I am sad that no other employers seem to find my education and employment history desirable.  I feel as though I have no positive options.  Family and friends want me to stay put, stay in the safety zone.  Every day I think of ways out, paths to freedom, but every day I see a new path; there is no consistency.  Monday I may think about quitting without another job lined up and spending my free time taking online professional courses, joining a gym to see if I could make a career out of being a personal trainer and volunteering to help the elderly in some way.  Then Tuesday comes along and I think I should get a journalism certificate because I like writing and I like staying current on politics.  Wednesday rolls around and I want to be a paralegal, a position that is always busy and involved with important information.  Aah Thursday, the day I think it is best to stay put and wait for some supposed staff changes to occur.  Finally Friday and I want to get a finance or accounting job at a large Boston corporation.  Saturday and Sunday I beat myself up for being a walking question mark with a stormy cloud over its head.  Then the week starts again and I have new delusions of grandeur that will set me back even further.

For those close to me reading this, please know that I am not proud of these negative feelings.  I want to be positive again and stop feeling sorry for myself, but apparently I need more time.  I have tried to fight it with exercising daily, adjusting vitamins and clearing my mind by reading more, but those strategies have only served as a temporary bandage.  For now, all I have is hope that in time something will change to lift me out of this terrible rut.

The Daily Post: Aware