As I’m trying to motivate myself to start blogging again, I found this old post I never published. Spoiler alert: I didn’t get the leadership job I mentioned, but I forgot I had the courage to apply to a managerial role.
I recently read an article about New Year’s Resolutions for Introverts that helped me reflect on how I spent my time in 2016 and how I plan to make positive changes going forward. The most important item of the article stated that introverts need to recognize they can’t do everything, but it’s okay. Just looking at my blog categories, I attempted too many new activities and then felt disgusting when I couldn’t stick to them. Last year I tried to become a fitness fanatic, a FODMAP diet expert, an American Government Student, a real estate agent, a biographer, a memoir writer and a blogger. Instead of focusing on one new activity at a time, I felt if I couldn’t do them all, I might as well just accept that I’m a failure. Although there are some people who may be able to attempt multiple new goals at one time and thrive on this strategy of growth, it is not a method that works for me and I realize that now. This relates to another item within the article which states that introverts need to embrace who they are and work with their introversion instead of fighting against it. I am someone who likes to constantly learn and try my best to grow as a person. However, that does not mean I need to achieve all my goals at the exact same time or within a certain time limit.
I realize now that I want to focus most on health and fitness. Last year my focus eventually became constant negative thinking: I did not stick with the free online learning classes I enrolled in, I did not become the superstar real estate agent, I did not spend time on my Nana’s childhood biography, I did not expand on my memoir writing, I did not regularly post to this blog. Because of these constant negative thoughts, I lost all motivation to keep up with my running routine and then the strength training exercises I did to improve my running, eventually not wanting to do much exercise at all. At the same time, I lost motivation to cook and with limited options for someone who cannot eat foods containing wheat or lactose, I began eating scrambles egg whites with rice cakes or quinoa in chicken broth on a rotating basis for lunch every day: not very satisfying, but mindless to make. Well, I’m officially bored with that lunch menu. But, now that I’ve hopefully accepted the fact that I’m not meant to dabble in so many new things at once and stop beating myself up about it, I will have time to do more meal prep and enjoy more variety in my weekly lunches. Again, my goal is not to create gourmet meals using complicated recipes, but just basically to start cooking from scratch again, which will be a huge improvement from what I am doing now.
I also want to get back into a regular habit of running in the morning. Every night, I try to psych myself up for a morning run, but every morning I lose all that motivation and just want to lay in bed until I have just enough time to get dressed and eat breakfast. I think this lack of motivation is more to do with the low morale in my current job than all my negative thoughts about my personal life. Feeling as though my work is not important and being prevented from using my skills because of personalities and office politics is extremely discouraging. For many months, I have associated this current position with the failure of my entire career. I struggled to realize that one position does not define my entire career and I have the ability to apply to more challenging positions that allow growth and development. Part of this struggle also involved a fear of moving on to a position with higher responsibility. After feeling down for so long in my position, I lost confidence that I could achieve more and be more satisfied in my career. In addition, I never thought I was cut out for a leadership role as an introvert, but the article mentioned above also states that introverts should not discount themselves from being capable of leading. Introverts are deep thinkers, which allows them to focus on and solve difficult problems. Although it may be out of my comfort zone, I am currently applying to a position in a leadership role. I may not have experience in managing others, but I do have experience in being managed. I always take note of the methods that my supervisors use and remember aspects that I respect greatly and others that I may want to avoid. In no way to I expect to be a great leader in my first position, but I do have confidence that I have the drive to become one.
Rather than making 2017 a year of extravagant goals that are difficult to attain, my goal is to simply take better care of myself. As an introvert, it is basically impossible to stop my mind from thinking, but it is possible to control the type of thinking I allow. Instead of remembering all the time I lost in 2016, I will think about all the time I have in 2017 to cook simple meals and do the exercises I am capable of, without comparing myself to others achievements in those areas.
521 Thoughts 